Astute Observations
by Slothspieller
Summary: A short parody of the scene in which Esther figures out that Radu is being controlled by Dietrich!


Disclaimer: I do not own Trinity Blood anime, manga, novels, or any of the characters. They are the property of their respective creators.

Introduction: The idea for this short parody fanfic occurred to me after watching the end of episode 18, in which Esther and Ion are imprisoned in the Imperial Palace's dungeon. When Radu appears before the pair, they finally realize that Ion's former "best friend" has been turned into one of Dietrich's puppets when Radu refers to his race as "vampires" instead of "Methuselah". (It seems the term "vampire" is decidedly non-PC in the world of Trinity Blood!) However, as I watched this scene, I wondered if Esther could have figured out that Radu was being controlled from some other hints… By the way, some of the dialogue in this scene might not be completely accurate to that spoken in the original episode.

In the deep, dark bowels of the Imperial Palace, the young flame-haired nun huddled dejectedly in the dank prison cell she shared with the even more dejected and miserable platinum-blonde Methuselah. Although Esther's kind words had momentarily eased his bitterness, Ion was still tortured by the realization that his dearest, most trusted companion had so cruelly betrayed him. What had made Radu side with these terrorists who were causing so much misery for Terrans and Methuselah alike? This was the thought that had lacerated Ion's mind since that night in Carthage when Radu had revealed his true allegiances. Even though she was attempting to convince herself that she and her companion would soon be freed from their incarceration, Esther felt herself succumbing to the stifling gloom of the dark dungeon cell as the young nun slumped against the slime-coated stones of the cell wall. As Ion despondently raised his head, Esther tried to give her companion a reassuring and warm smile, despite the fact that she felt as anxious and drained as the garnet-eyed young vampire.

Suddenly, the sound of steady footsteps echoing from the corridor outside the cell made the pair snap to attention. On the other side of the wrought iron cell door, a tall angular figure materialized out of the enveloping gloom and strode confidently towards the gate.

"RADU!" Ion gasped with audible shock and anger as the treacherous vampire smirked at the two prisoners behind the contorted bars of the gate. The enraged Ion flung himself against the bars as he clawed vainly at Radu's face. "You'll pay for what you've done! Just wait until everyone knows that it was YOU who was behind the Empress's death!"

Gazing at the cosseted blonde brat who had once naively trusted him, the dusky complexioned vampire sneered. " Well, well, do you think anyone's going to trust the word of a little traitor like you? After all, you and your Terran conspirator attempted to assonate our beloved Empress in front of her entourage and guards. However, everyone saw me valiantly defend her divine majesty from the attacker…" he sneered, while taking a graceful step away from the cell door.

Shocked by Ion's aggressive outburst, Esther had recoiled and now warily watched as the two vampires snarled at each other. Just then, a suspicion that had been pushed to the recesses of her preoccupied thoughts suddenly crystallized in Esther's mind. Stepping forward to Ion's side, the petite nun peered at his tormentor.

Her suspicions were confirmed when he said, " I'm amazed that you haven't realized that I'm actually not your darling Radu." Ion narrowed his garnet eyes in perplexed surprise, but Esther turned to him.

"Sir, it's just as he says," she informed her bewildered friend, " Just think about it." Ion shifted his gaze between her and Radu.

" What exactly do you mean?!" he demanded.

"Well," began Esther, " Before Radu was "killed" he seemed very noble and manly in his way of speaking and his gestures, right?" Unsure of where she was headed with this, Ion nodded cautiously. "However, did you notice that Radu's wrist seemed suspiciously limp when gestured at us just now? And how about when we saw him earlier? Radu appeared to be sitting cross-legged as if it were natural to him!" Esther whispered to her increasingly horrified companion.

" You know, I think I saw Radu actually giggling as he held his hand in front of his mouth when we were captured…" said Ion, shuddering in revulsion at the image.

"In fact," Esther continued, " Recently Radu's been walking with what can only be described as a mincing swagger!" she boldly declared. Straightening up and facing their captor, Esther pointed an accusing finger a Radu. "There's only one person who has such camp and effeminate body language, AND possesses the ability to use people as puppets!" She paused briefly for dramatic effect, "Dietrich von Lohengrin!"

Radu daintily raised a hand to his mouth while he giggled at Esther's astute observations. Both Ion and Esther gasped in alarm as a spectral apparition of the Marionettespieller materialized over Radu's form.

"Oh my dear little Esther, that's precisely why I love you," purred Dietrich, "It's a shame that this is probably the last time we'll meet." Ion stared in shock as the realization of the situation hit him. Thank goodness it wasn't really Radu who was acting like that, the young vampire thought, that mincing swagger was really starting to freak me out! "However, since I've been found out, I might as well indulge myself a little," continued Dietrich with a ironic smirk, "By making Radu say the line I always wanted to hear him say." Esther and Ion apprehensively stared at the sadistic puppetmaster with baited breath. With a playful wink, Dietrich flicked his strings. "HASTA LA VISTA HABIBI!!!" "Radu" squealed while striking a provocative pose! Esther and Ion were so utterly dazed by this performance that they barely noticed the silver bullet fired at them as the "Radu" swaggered mincingly away from the cell.

" Oh man," whimpered a thoroughly traumatized Ion, "I wish he had tried to kill me before I had to see THAT!"

The End (If you'd like to find out what really happened, please watch episodes 18 and 19 of Trinity Blood!)

Author's Notes: Well dear readers, I hope you enjoyed reading this surreal little spoof. In case you were wondering, "habibi" is an Arabic word which means "sweetheart" or "baby". Please let me know what you think!


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